How NOT to Ask a Girl Out
by Craftygirl
Summary: Problem? Clueless guy doesn't know how to ask the girl out. Solution? Consult the "experts." Ichiruki
1. Day 1

**Author's Note: **Apparently, I had written this first chapter almost a year ago but had never really gotten back to it since. Speaking of which, I'd never intended for this to turn out into a fanfic; this was actually a comic I made a long time ago using screenshots from the anime and my own speech bubbles, but then I loved it so much and decided to make it into a short little fanfic. I hope you enjoy this little fic as much as I loved writing it!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. KT's the mastermind behind them and I applaud his genius – Ichiruki FTW!

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Day 1

_I can do this, right? I know I can! This isn't the hardest thing I've ever done before. I've defeated countless of hollows, higher-level Shinigami, and even Arrancar. I've helped so many dead souls, my family, my friends…so what's a little thing like this next to all of that?_

Ichigo hesitated for a split second in mid-walk, his backpack casually strung over his right shoulder. He didn't have to ask, he knew that much. The answer was obvious:

Because none of that involved asking Rukia Kuchiki on a date.

Rukia Kuchiki. The Shinigami who'd given him his powers and changed his world, the one person he was so determined to risk his life for in the Soul Society, the one damn annoying midget he somehow got to love so much in the few short months he'd known her. He could easily argue with her about anything, whether it be her "unhealthy obsession" with bunnies or her "poorly drawn" pictures (all of which earned him a punch in the gut, of course). He could talk to her as if it was the most normal thing on the planet. With her, everything just felt so right, so natural.

But apparently, asking the girl out was never something that was covered in Rukia 101. What a strange thing love is.

Groaning in frustration, Ichigo tore his eyes from the ground long enough to catch a glimpse of dark indigo hair before it disappeared around a corner.

"Wait! Is that—" Not wasting a second, Ichigo took off after him, catching him on the stairs. "Hey, Ishida!

The bespectacled Quincy in question turned around, his piercing sapphire eyes matching the same cold tone in his voice. "What do you want, Kurosaki?"

Ichigo tightened his fists, trying to regain his composure. "Well, you're never gonna believe this, but…" _I know he'll probably never let me live this down, but I'm running out of options! I have to do this, one way or another!_

"I need some advice on how to ask Rukia out!" he choked. He'd said it as quickly as possible, yet still wanted to gag as soon as the words left his mouth. _I can't believe I just said that! _

Ichigo then decided to focus his attention on Uryu, who now appeared dazed beyond all reason. He looked just about ready to faint, but whether it be because of the shock of the news itself or because of _who_ was asking him for _that_ kind of advice, Ichigo had no idea. Uryu just stood there like a frail cardboard cut-out that could've been toppled over with the slightest breeze. "You're asking me how to…?"

"Why didn't you ask Inoue-san or something?" Uryu snapped all of a sudden, "Do I look like someone who'd know?"

Ichigo just shrugged. "Well, I dunno…you were the first person I ran into…"

Uryu cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "Well, I must say, Kurosaki, you certainly are full of surprises," he remarked. "But since you insist, I suppose I can offer you my best advice. It's a secret technique I've perfected…"

He pushed his glasses up again, but this time for dramatic emphasis. Close-up on the eyes. "…That will win the heart of any girl." _Or so I'd like to believe._

Ichigo could only stare in amazement. "What is it?" he asked, unable to hide the awe in his voice.

"It's my…" Uryu whipped out a thin needle and swiftly threaded a delicate white string through it, his now-shaded glasses white with a burning intensity as he swung the needle in a series of elegant figure-eights. "Secret sewing technique!"

Ichigo looked on at his friend in sheer disappointment, trying to get over the fact that he was actually _in awe_ of _Uryu_ just a few seconds ago. So much for that. "That's your amazing secret?" Ichigo asked, now more mortified than shocked. _Seriously, though, Ishida, you're the most girly guy I know…_ That is, until the image of a certain purple-haired Shinigami of Squad 11 suddenly popped into his mind with his infamous "That's not very beautiful" lectures. Ichigo cringed. _Okay, make that _second_ most girly guy I know…_

Uryu then pulled out one of his trademark Quincy outfits from his backpack, successfully freeing Ichigo from his thoughts in the process. "See? How do you think I get such cool clothes all the time? It's because I make them myself, so if—"

Ichigo froze in horror. "Hey, wait a sec! Y-You're not…actually gonna make me wear that thing, are you?" he stuttered out. He tried to imagine the prospect of him in the Quincy costume, but the very idea was almost too awful to imagine. All the came up with was the walking, talking definition of Nerd, except this time, rather than it being Uryu, it was a certain Strawberry instead!

Ichigo could've sworn he would've hurled right then if Uryu hadn't said otherwise: "No, of course I'm not going to make you wear this!" Uryu replied, with equal shock and disbelief. "Don't give yourself too much credit! It would dishonor the Quincy name if I ever let a Shinigami wear one of our sacred robes!

Ichigo breathed in a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good. Like hell I'd ever be caught dead in one of those clown costumes anyway."

"What did you say, Kurosaki?" Uryu fumed.

Ichigo just ignored him. "So anyway, if you weren't planning on lending me one of your ner – I mean, Quincy outfits, what was that so-called 'secret technique' you were planning to show me then?"

Uryu adjusted the crisp tie on his uniform, scowling in irritation. "Well, if I hadn't been so rudely interrupted, maybe I would've told you by now…but I'll leave it up to you. If you want to be as stylish as me, I can offer you some sewing lessons."

He pushed his glasses up for the third time. Dramatic close-up on the eyes. "What do you say, Kurosaki?"

Ichigo could feel his eye twitching convulsively in horror as he made his best attempt to force a smile. It was all he could do from going all Shinigami on Uryu, anyway. _The things I get myself into… This is probably the stupidest choice I'll ever make, but if it's for Rukia…_

"Fine, I'll do it…but this better work," Ichigo decided, though his deep-set scowl and death glare just confirmed that he was more eager to kill Uryu than anything else. A look Uryu apparently failed to notice.

"Don't worry, Kurosaki! It's foul-proof!"

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**A/N:** And that's the end of chapter one, day one! I'm surprised I was actually able to drag twenty-six screenshots' worth of pictures into three pages! Sorry it's so short, but I guarantee that the next chapter will be longer. I should have the next chapter up soon, since the story itself is pretty much done and I just have to translate pictures to text. Still, I have two other ongoing fanfics, so I can't make any promises! Please R&R!

In the next chapter: Will Ichigo actually go through with Uryu's sewing lessons? What happens when Orihime and Renji get involved, and things don't go exactly as planned?


	2. Day 2 and 3

**A/N: **Eh…this chapter was finished a lot later than I'd intended. My sincere apologies for the late update. D: Thanks to everyone who reviewed for the last chapter!

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Day 2

(And a million bloody fingers later…)

"Well, how's it look?"

A slightly-rumpled dress was laid out flat on a solid wood table belonging to Karakura's Handicrafts Club. Its pale blue fabric stood out in stark contrast to the deep brown wood below it, although there was something oddly familiar about the design of the dress…as well as the pattern itself.

"Seriously, Kurosaki, you have no creative talent at all," Uryu said. "That dress looks like a mere second-rate copy of the dress I sewed for Kuchiki-san when we left the Soul Society. She already has a dress like that, idiot!"

"Hey, give me some credit," Ichigo replied defensively, pointing to the hem of the dress. "At least I changed up the color!"

Uryu wasn't buying it. "Yeah, t-to…_orange_!" he cried in outrage, as if Ichigo had just broken the Quincy Commandments. "Are you colorblind? Orange does not go with blue! It is written in the Sacred Handicrafts Manual!"

"Well, maybe you should've told me that _before_ I actually started working, genius!" Ichigo retorted.

Orihime Inoue stepped in between the two bickering boys, holding up the dress to survey it. "What are you talking about, Ishida-kun? It's so cute! Kuchiki-san will love it!" she gushed, turning to look at Ichigo. "I can't believe you finished this all in two days' work! Since when did you learn to sew like this, Kurosaki-kun?"

Ichigo reached for the back of his neck awkwardly, suddenly bashful. Not to mention uncomfortable hearing the word "sew" paired with his own name in the same sentence. It did not bring up a positive mental image, let alone pleasant memories. "Ah, just yesterday actually," he answered at last. "…But it's nothing, really! I'm not much of a sewer!"

"Trust me, Inoue-san; he isn't," Uryu added under his breath.

Not that Ichigo minded much of course, though sometimes he thought he'd rather fight a certain Cuatro Espada again than have to go through the past two days again, a.k.a. Sewing Hell.

_Flashback…_

"_You know, Ishida, I don't know why I can't use a sewing machine," Ichigo griped, growing more and more restless with each passing second. "Weren't those invented already? It'd be so much faster." _

…Not to mention less painful on my fingers, _he added mentally. _

_There was no sympathy to be found in Uryu's voice, not that Ichigo expected any, no less. "Quit complaining. You must learn to appreciate the graceful finesse of the thread with your fingers. Think of it as an art, not a chore. And besides, sewing machines are so unbecoming. So unmanly." _

_Ichigo couldn't help but scoff. _Unmanly my ass. Look who's talking. There is nothing masculine about sewing in the—

"_FREAKIN' SH—! FU—! SON OF A BI—!" _

_And that was the first time he'd stabbed himself with a needle. Too bad it wasn't his last. Far from it._

_With every back-and-forth motion threading the needle through the smooth fabric, Ichigo found his fingers punctured by the same cursed needle. And every time that happened, a wide range of curse words would echo throughout the small classroom, much to a certain Quincy's annoyance._

"_My, don't you have a colorful range of vocabulary…" Uryu remarked without looking up, preoccupied with his own sewing project. _

_Ichigo couldn't help but look over at his blue-haired friend, whose effeminate skills he had so often belittled before. Yet the more he observed those fluid motions and deftly-threaded stitches that literally flew across the fabric in intricate patterns, Ichigo could feel his anger rising as his hand moved quicker across the blue cloth. He was never one for patience._

"_MOTHERFU—!" _

_It was amazing how the finished dress wasn't dotted by even a single drop of blood._

Ichigo cringed at the memory. "Considering everything, I can honestly say I'm quite proud of the turnout," he said as an afterthought.

"Why don't I talk to Kuchiki-san tomorrow and see what she thinks?" Orihime offered.

Now _that_ caught Ichigo off guard. "W-Wait a sec! About what? See what she thinks about _what_?" he demanded, suddenly frantic. Somehow, he suspected he already knew the answer.

And there was no way in hell that he'd ever let _Rukia_ know that he had _sewn_ a dress for _her_.

"That's a great idea, Inoue-san!" came Uryu's horrifyingly expected reply.

"Wait! You guys! This isn't…!" he called after them, or their departing backs, for that matter. Orihime was already flouncing down the hallway with Uryu out the classroom doorway a second later, trailing after her. "…A great idea…"

Ichigo just stood there, halfway out the door, standing petrified with his arm extended out in front of him. Somehow, he'd never planned for it to go this way. Hell, if he'd known it would be like this, he never would have agreed to take Uryu up on his advice in the first place! The plan was to tell Rukia he'd _bought_ her a dress – not _made_ one especially for her! That would be crossing forbidden territory and make him look even more desperate than he already was. And that was saying a lot.

Then it finally came to him that Orihime had taken along said "custom-made" dress.

_Dammit. I'm so screwed…_

* * *

Day 3

The next day at school, Ichigo couldn't help but keep a constant eye on Rukia…and her school bag.

_Good,_ he thought. _Her bag's still the same size. Looks like Inoue still hasn't given her the dress. Yet._

"…Is there a reason why you keep staring at me?"

"Ahh!" The hairs on the back of Ichigo's neck stood on end for a moment before he finally caught himself and glanced over at Rukia, who was looking both a little confused, and a little annoyed. _Great_.

"What are you talking about? Idiot! I wasn't staring!" Ichigo insisted, feigning ignorance a second too late. A slight blush flashed across his cheeks at the implication though, and Ichigo had no doubt in his mind that Rukia had seen it.

Frustrated, Ichigo snapped his head away from her and rested his chin in his hand, trying to suppress his embarrassment without having to meet her haughty eyes. The smirk he heard from her was enough to unsettle him.

Did she know about the dress? Or even worse: did she know that he had sewn said dress for her? He resolved to confront Orihime later during their lunch break…

…Only to have her tell him that he had nothing to worry about. Yeah, right.

"Don't worry, Kurosaki-kun; I've got this all covered! You can count on me!" she had reassured him.

But all that did was make him feel even more worried, and with good reason.

Unbeknown to him, Orihime decided to approach Rukia after school that day, bearing an oh-so innocent hypothetical question in mind. "Say, Kuchiki-san…what would you do if a guy made a really pretty dress for you?" she asked, with such an air of candor that would've made Ichigo dive for the nearest bush.

Naturally, Rukia was taken aback by the abrupt question. "Um, I don't know…why do you ask?"

Orihime shrugged. "Oh, I don't know!" she replied innocently. "It's just some guy has this huge crush on you, but just doesn't know how to show it, let alone ask you out!"

Rukia's eyes widened in surprise. "A huge crush on me, huh?" She thought about it for a moment, but only the mental image of a certain guy with a brown mullet came to mind.

Keigo Asano. Just the thought of him hand-sewing a dress for her was unfathomable, not to mention _slightly_ disturbing. Rukia cringed at the image of Keigo, Ichigo's hyperactive and loud-mouth flirt of a friend, reduced to dainty little sewing sessions, and shook her head to free herself of a lifetime's worth of mental scars.

She donned one of her classic fake smiles. "Are you sure about that, Inoue? I mean, I think sewing a dress for me just seems rather…well, unlikely of him." No lie there.

Orihime smiled sympathetically at that. After all, she couldn't blame Rukia for thinking that; she herself had thought the same until Ichigo and Uryu had both assured her that the dress was indeed sewn by Ichigo's own hands. "Yeah, it is, but…" She hesitated. _Oh, no._ "Wait a second! You-you know who it is, Kuchiki-san?"

"Uh…" Rukia began uncertainly. _Was I not supposed to know? Oh, I get it…I'll just play along… _

"Know who what is?" Rukia finished. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

Orihime couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, knowing full well that Ichigo would've totally flipped if Rukia had known it was him, at least at this stage and without his consent. "Okay, good…" _Kurosaki-kun just needs some time,_ she decided. _And then he'll finally be able to come out and tell her himself._

But the more Orihime thought about it, the more it seemed like Rukia knew exactly who had that "huge crush" on her, never mind who sewed her the dress. So much for hypothetical questions.

* * *

Later that day, Orihime met up with Uryu and Ichigo, unsure what to say to them, especially to the latter. Earlier, she had told Ichigo not to worry and that she had this whole thing covered, but now, she wasn't so sure.

"Inoue-san? What's wrong?" Uryu couldn't help but ask.

"Um…I think Kuchiki-san's onto something—" Orihime confessed, only to be interrupted by Ichigo's cry of horror.

"She knows it's me? No! No, you're kidding right? She just can't!" Ichigo insisted, more to himself than anyone else.

Uryu looked at him like he was some sad excuse of a Shinigami whining over a broken Zanpaktou. "Um, Kurosaki…? What's the big deal? What's the point in making that dress for her if you don't want her to know that you even made it for her?"

Ichigo completely ignored him, now gripping the sides of his head and screaming in sheer horror. "MY REPUTATION – MY LIFE IS _OVER_!"

"Oh, don't worry, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime piped up jovially. "After all, Kuchiki-san might've mistaken you for someone else…maybe?" She left out the part of Rukia's suspicion of her not-so-secret admirer.

Ichigo paled, now seeming to be in some sort of defeated trance. "Nah, forget it, Inoue…it's fine…"

"Great!" Orihime pumped her fist in the air. "In that case, are you still going to give her the dress? I still have it here with me in my bag…." Her voice trailed off when she noticed that Ichigo had taken off running in the other direction, screaming as if he'd just been told that Aizen was his real father.

Orihime blinked in confusion. "Was it something I said?"

Uryu simply shrugged. "No, I think he just panicked…"

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**A/N: **Well, I finally have that chapter done! Sorry I couldn't get to the Renji bit, but this chapter ran a bit longer than planned and if I had added Ichigo's meeting with Renji, it would have been too long, but don't worry; he'll be in the next chapter. As always, please R&R! Feedback is greatly appreciated!

In the next chapter: What happens when Renji gets caught up in the mix? How will Rukia react when she finally gets the dress, and believes it's from someone other than Ichigo? When a little chaos and misunderstandings arise, how will Ichigo deal?


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